STI: Is this an identity crisis or what?

March 8, 2009

THE EX-PAT FILES

Is this an identity crisis or what?

By Mark Featherstone 

 

I'm forgetting where, or perhaps who, I am. My first few months in Singapore passed with an acute sense of standing out like a sore, pink, thumb. But with time, being surrounded by Asians day in and day out, interacting with them at work, in the neighbourhood, and at home (my wife is Chinese, and her parents now live in the same building), I have begun to assume I am one of them.

 

As a result, my first reaction upon confronting my reflection in a mirror is, 'Damn angmoh. So big-nose one'.

 

A variant of this occurs when faced with another white person in the MRT or shopping mall. After a reflexive, 'God, I'm sure glad I don't look like that...Wait. I do look like that', I fleetingly experience a sense of camaraderie.

 

This sentiment is quickly replaced by an embarrassed reassertion of my independence. I think to myself, 'I don't need an exchange of sympathetic smiles. I'm coping just fine. And I certainly don't look as out of place as him!...I hope'.

 

Clearly the other has thought something similar, and we pass with eyes averted, trying not to wince from the painful glare of our polished cheekbones.

 

For a Singaporean in Canada, I wonder what would be the abrupt reminders that she or he is no longer on home soil. Of course, there would be the frequent and annoying compliments from ignorant Canadians (like me) saying, 'Your English is so good!' A Singaporean could be excused for retorting, 'Why, thank you. So is yours.'

 

In Vancouver, she might assume that she had turned left when she should have turned right and ended up in Hong Kong. (With the large number of Hong Kongers living there, I suspect Vancouver will soon hold a referendum seeking United Nations recognition as a suburb of Kowloon.)

 

On the opposite side of the country, in St John's, a Singaporean would be amazed to see that drivers obsessively give the right of way to jaywalkers. I once paused on a St John's sidewalk to gaze across the street, only to have a car 50m up the road come to an abrupt halt. The driver wouldn't continue until I conveyed through much hand signalling that I would not cross within the next 24 hours.

 

Our traveller would feel more at home in Montreal, where drivers are concerned about pedestrians the way a bowler is concerned about pins: knocking down as many as possible. But, being accustomed to the immaculately kept roads of Singapore, she could be forgiven for thinking she had strayed into the Gaza Strip. Montreal's streets are a pock-marked moonscape of craters large enough to swallow an Austin Mini. These pits, caused by freeze-thaw cycles during the winter months, are affectionately known as 'nids-de-poule' or chicken nests - the only explanation being that 'brontosaurus nests' is harder to say.

 

After she stopped scanning the sky for bombers, our intrepid voyager would notice the use of French almost everywhere, and would be surprised to spy 'nouilles Singapour' - Singapore noodles - on the menus of Chinese restaurants across the city. Her bewilderment would only increase when the dish arrived at the table. Char kway teow it ain't.

 

But Singapore has a great comeback: Canadian pizza. I suppose I should be used to this. In the US, you can find a thing called 'Canadian bacon'. Huh? Is that the fate of my overweight compatriots? And in France and Switzerland, a supper with friends at which everyone supplies a dish is called, 'le buffet canadien' - Canadian buffet. Do Europeans think this is standard in Canada? 'We'd like to invite you for supper. Please bring your own food.'

 

I couldn't imagine what this beast 'Canadian pizza' might be. A crisp, thin crust topped with moose meat and maple syrup? Maybe with a side order of hockey puck? Turns out that it refers to two pizzas for the price of one.

 

Yes, we do have two-for-one pizzas in Canada. But don't jump to conclusions. It doesn't usually work like that. There are no two-for one deals on cars, houses, or heart transplants. I'll have to check about Singapore noodles.

 

The writer is a Canadian, and a professor at the School of Biological Sciences, Nanyang Technological University. He has lived in Singapore for two and a half years. You can join him for supper, if you supply the pizza.