March 1, 2009
Bracing for a bumpy ride
By Teo Cheng Wee
The police wrote to me a few months ago.
Apparently at 5.14pm on a September afternoon, I drove across double white lines on Dunearn Road. That equals a $130 fine and four demerit points.
I was bewildered when I read the letter. Did I drive across double white lines? Why don't I remember? Was I even on Dunearn Road that day?
'Can they prove it?' I asked my friends.
'Do you think there was a policeman standing there, taking photos of every car? I honestly don't remember driving across any double white lines.
'Maybe I should ask them to send me a photo to prove it.'
Don't waste time lah, they told me.
'Just write a letter to appeal. Very easy one. Some more this is your first offence. They will give you chance,' one guy said.
Yes, how could I forget? The appeal letter to the police. I have heard of lots of people who have written in, saying they had to cut across four lanes to save their dying mother/deliver a baby/rush to the loo. Almost nobody I know gets rejected by our forgiving boys in blue.
In fact, I know people who escaped punishment so many times they actually have a 'police appeal letter' template.
Surely they will forgive this first-time offender. I felt a ray of hope.
'So what should I write? I guess I'll tell them that I didn't see the double white lines. It was an honest mistake,' I quipped.
'No, no, no. Say that you were avoiding an object on the road and had to swerve,' one of them said.
'But I wasn't avoiding any object.'
'It doesn't matter. You have to say you were.'
'What if there's a policeman standing there, taking photos of every car? Maybe I should ask them to send me one as proof. I really don't think I...'
'Please. Enough with the photos.'
I couldn't lie, so I decided to do it my way despite what my friends said.
My letter went: Dear Sir. I note your summon. Didn't see the white lines. Honest mistake. Sorry. Please forgive me. I really like Crime Watch, by the way.
Weeks passed. Recently, a reply came from the police.
It went: Dear Mr Teo. We note your appeal. Don't try to play punk. We know you drove across the lines. We know you want photos. You're getting no photos. Pay up your $130.
P.S. We also know you don't watch Crime Watch.
Okay, fine, so I paraphrased their letter, but it sure sounded like that to me.
The bottom line is, my appeal got rejected - another abysmal episode of negotiating with authorities.
I've been unsuccessful my whole life pleading any case with doctors, with teachers, with army officers. Now I can add the police to the list.
Maybe I'm not charming enough. Not good with words. Or perhaps I'm just afraid of their uniforms.
All I know is that I'm glad I didn't fulfil my childhood ambition of being a lawyer, because I would've sucked. If the judge glared at me, I would've vomited and bolted out of the courtroom.
In school, I was the kid who would forget to bring his textbook once a year and have to stand for the entire period, while someone else would forget to bring it every week and get away with it because 'he looks so cute when he's naughty'.
It's the same at the clinic. I seldom get sick leave, even though I only visit when I'm genuinely unwell.
If I ever get a medical certificate, you can be sure I was close to coughing out blood - as opposed to some people, who can probably fart and get an MC.
Take this recent incident, when I had a blocked nose, cough, nausea and body chills - and almost had to go back to work.
After examining me, the doctor asked: 'So, do you need an MC?'
(I have never in my entire life answered a straight 'yes' to that question, because I'm terrified that the doctor would scream back: 'I knew you came here just to get an MC!')
So I replied: 'Well, I don't need, but I guess it'll be good to go back and rest.'
'So you don't need an MC.'
'Um, die die I can work lah but I guess I should rest.'
'If you want to work, you can go and work.'
At this point I just wanted to grab one of her sterile needles and stab myself.
So I could really do with some help in this area, even though I have already paid my $130 traffic fine.
One thing I say to console myself: If I really did cross those double white lines, the police have every right to be harsh.
I just think they should send me a photo to prove it.
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