Business Times - 07 Mar 2009
LETTER FROM WASHINGTON DC
Building a support network
Writer
SOMETIMES on Saturday mornings, I get really tired of eating American breakfasts. I long for kway chap or prawn mee. Though there are some Malaysian restaurants in this area, they do not serve breakfast.
On Sundays after church, I think of the family gatherings at my mother-in-law's place and really miss her specialty beehoon kuay. Weekends can be lonely in a foreign land, away from the comfort zone of family and close friends. After the initial euphoria of settling into a new place, missing family and the familiarity of the Singapore home environment could well set in.
Not having family available can be a real problem especially when you have young kids and need help with child-minding. I fear falling sick - who is going to drive the kids around? Or who can help nurse me back to health? I once had a bad fall while ice-skating and took three months to recover - since then, I have decided not to ice-skate. I usually pray that there are no medical emergencies when my husband has to go out of town.
Over the years, my fears of not finding the help I need have subsided as my husband and I have built up a circle of wonderful friends. At the core of our support group is a cluster of Singaporean and Malaysian families living in the area. There is a special bond among friends when you are abroad, and they become your surrogate family. It really warms my heart when someone who is not related to us by blood ties goes the extra mile for us when we are in need.
Having been in the US for the past eight years, my husband and I now try to help others who are new to this area. Our home has become a nucleus of sorts - we host a Christian book club study group every fortnight. An exciting highlight of the book club is supper time! We usually serve the local comfort food of Singapore and Malaysia, such as bak kut teh, curry and fried beehoon.
Besides helping new families to settle in, we also provide support such as child-sitting, car-pooling and even dog-sitting! We try to be there for our friends when family support is needed, for instance, at piano recitals, birthdays, anniversaries, graduation parties, baptisms and so on.
Some of our neighbours have become part of our support group too. We have great rapport with an Asian-American family that has kids about the same age as mine. Through this family, I have gained a better understanding of Asian-American culture.
Volunteering is another great way to develop friendships. I have chaperoned kids for field trips (excursions in Singapore lingo) and served hot lunches in school (American kids usually pack a cold sandwich for lunch and it is a treat for them to occasionally get a warm meal arranged by the Parent-Teacher Organisation).
However, the Singapore community that we foster friendships with is largely a transient one. They are usually here for a few years on work postings or for studies in the universities in the Washington DC area.
Our alternative support group is the local church. Currently, we attend a Chinese-based church which has a sizeable youth group - my kids have made some lasting friendships among the many Asian-American kids there. They like the fact that at youth gatherings, they get to eat Chinese food such as dumplings and noodles instead of the usual American fare of pizzas, donuts and bagels.
I miss the warmth of family in Singapore and the easy camaraderie of friends back home. While we continue to enjoy our adventure out here in the US, we never fail to look forward to a summer trip home to Singapore where family, friends and food beckon.
· The writer is currently working on a book 10 years in the US - Tan family shares experiences. This article is adapted from a chapter in the book.
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