STI: Life before death

April 9, 2009

Life before death

Few can accept they are dying

 

In this second of a four-part column brought to you by the Lien Foundation, experts dispel the taboo of death and explain the importance of hospice palliative care

 

Q: Does a person with terminal illness go through a typical emotional process? How do you deal with a loved one who is in denial about his impending death?

 

A: Dr Cynthia Goh, centre director of the Lien Centre for Palliative Care and head of the department of palliative medicine at the National Cancer Centre, said each patient is different.

 

Not everyone will move from stage to stage or even slowly accept his condition. 'Some people get stuck at one stage. Very few people accept impending death. It's not something that I expect them to accept; it's a gift if they can get there,' said Dr Goh.

Some people are fighters and they will say they will fight this cancer until they die, she said, adding: 'I think the way you live is the way you die. We don't try to change patients. We work with them and try to understand what they are like.'

 

For patients unable to take all the bad news at once, denial may serve as a defence mechanism.

 

'First, we have to find out if this person is really in denial. It's very common in our community to not want to talk about bad things,' said Dr Goh.

 

'However, we should not assume that just because they don't talk about bad things, that they are not aware of their condition. One has to be very gentle when breaking bad news to the patient. If you must, do it very gently. The pace should be led by the patient," she said.