STI: Fear saps away a child's self-worth

April 9, 2009

Fear saps away a child's self-worth

By creating a positive environment, a child will more likely attempt tasks despite the outcome. JUNE CHEONG reports

 

Give your child confidence and he will succeed. If a child thinks he can complete a task, he is more likely to attempt it. When he does, he gains a new skill as well as an ego boost.

 

Parents can help build their children's confidence by breaking up new challenges into smaller, more manageable tasks.

 

Ms Fiona Walker, the principal director of Julia Gabriel Centre for Learning and Chiltern House, said: 'Children who run away from perceived difficulties are afraid of failure. Parents and caregivers can encourage children to make an attempt without fear by concentrating on the process rather than the results.'

 

Indeed fear is a big stumbling block when it comes to attempting new things.

 

Ms Genevieve Lim, the founder of child development school Genevieve's Inc, said: 'In many Asian cultures, fear and threats are common ways used to discipline children.

 

'We often hear of parents here telling their children that they'll call the police if their children do not behave.

 

'With fear instilled, when children come up against difficult situations or negative events, their first response will be from the learnt platform of fear.'

 

One way of overcoming a child's fear of the unknown - and failure at mastering the unknown - is by giving the child positive encouragement.

 

Ms Lim said: 'Parents should understand that their responsibility is to create a positive environment for their children.

 

'This begins with positive words which lead to positive actions and create a positive ambience.'

 

Examples of positive words are words said to encourage a child when he fails and words which give encouraging feedback when a child does something well or displays good behaviour.

 

As difficulties and bumps abound in life, it is essential that parents equip their children with skills to face challenges head-on.

 

Ms Walker said: 'By accepting failure and praising their attempts, we can encourage children to try and try again.'

 

While failure that a child encounters should be treasured for their learning lessons, successes, be they in a maths olympiad or a singing competition, should be celebrated.

 

However, a balance has to be struck such that the child feels valued for who he is and not just for his achievements.

 

Ms Walker said: 'Parents play an important role in reminding the child that although his successes in one area are wonderful, what is important are his values and sense of self-worth.

 

'If his sense of self-worth is too closely tied to his maths ability or singing, he is likely to feel pressured to always meet the high expectations people have of him and may lose his sense of identity when he is no longer the best.'

 

junec@sph.com.sg